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%%                         The Humor Department                          %%
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                         WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF GOD
                       HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN?


                      Reprinted from STReport #10.04


  AND GOD SAID:

 "IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH." He was then faced with
 a Notice of Violation and a class action lawsuit for failing to file a
 Part A notification and an environmental impact statement with HEPA
 (Heavenly Environmental Protection Agency), an angelically staffed agency
 dedicated to keeping the Universe pollution free.

 God was granted a temporary permit for the heavenly portion of the
 project, but was issued a "cease and desist" order on the earthly
 portion, pending further review by the HEPA.

 Upon completion of His construction permit application and environmental
 impact statement, God appeared before the Heavenly Environmental
 Protection Commission to answer unresolved questions regarding His
 application.

 When asked why He began these projects in the first place, God simply
 replied that He liked to be "creative." This was not considered adequate
 reasoning; and God was required to substantiate this further.

 HEPA was unable to see any practical use for earth, since "THE EARTH WAS
 VOID AND EMPTY, AND DARKNESS WAS UPON THE FACE OF THE DEEP." And God
 said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT." He really should never have brought up this
 point, since one Commission member was very active in the Sierrangel Club
 and immediately protested, stating "How was light to be made? Would it be
 a nuclear-powered or coal-fired generating plant? Would there be strip
 mining? What about thermal pollution? Air pollution? Universal warming?"
 God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. No one
 on the Commission really understood this, but it was provisionally
 accepted assuming (1) there would be no smog or smoke resulting from the
 ball of fire, (2) a separate burning permit would be required, and (3)
 since continuous light would be a waste of energy, it should be dark at
 least one-half of the time. And so God agreed to "DIVIDE THE LIGHT FROM
 THE DARKNESS, AND HE CALLED THE LIGHT 'DAY', AND THE DARKNESS 'NIGHT'."
 (The Commission expressed no interest with in-house semantics.)

 When asked how the earth would be covered, God said "LET THERE BE
 FIRMAMENT MADE AMIDST THE WATERS, AND LET IT DIVIDE THE WATERS FROM THE
 WATERS." One ecologically radical Commission member accused Him of
 double-talk, but the Commission tabled action since God would be required
 first to apply for a "firmament" permit from the ABLM (Angelic Bureau of
 Land Management), would be required to obtain water permits from the
 appropriate agencies involved, and further, insure that construction of
 any firmament would result in no net loss of wetlands.

 The Commission asked if there would be only water and firmament, and God
 said "LET THE EARTH BRING FORTH THE GREEN HERB, AND SUCH AS MAY SEED, AND
 THE FRUIT TREE YIELDING FRUIT AFTER ITS KIND, WHICH MAY HAVE SEEN ITSELF
 UPON THE EARTH." The Commission agreed to this, as long as only native
 seeds were to be used.

 About future developments, God also said "LET THE WATERS BRING FORTH THE
 CREEPING CREATURE HAVING LIFE, AND THE FOWL THAT MAY FLY OVER THE EARTH
 UNDER THE FIRMAMENT OF HEAVEN." Here again, the Commission took no formal
 action, since this would require approval of the Game and Fish
 Commission, coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the
 Audubongelic Society.

 It appeared that everything was in order until God said that He wanted to
 complete the project in six days. At this time He was advised by the
 Commission that His timing was completely out of the question. HEPA would
 require a minimum of six to nine months to review the permit application
 and environmental impact statement, and then there would have to be a
 45-day public comment period followed by public hearings. After any and
 all public comments were considered, it could feasibly take 12 to 18
 months before a permit could be issued.

 And God said, "THE HELL WITH IT!"